


How To Care For Your Scientist

by luminousblade



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-13 07:16:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2141964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminousblade/pseuds/luminousblade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You are now the proud new owner of a Tony Stark model scientist, more commonly known as the coffee addicted workaholic.  Congratulations!"  Staring down at the book in his hands, Steve can’t help but think that, in hindsight, he should have seen this coming, that this was really his own fault and that somewhere in New York, Nick Fury was most likely laughing his ass off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Care For Your Scientist

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here I am again with another foray into the Avenger's Universe! I was trying to work on Finding One's Self Upon a Grain of Sand, really I was, but this bunny came out of nowhere and refused to leave me alone until I'd at least started it. This will be my (probably failed) attempt at some humor but I think I'll enjoy writing this. Un-beta'd so all mistakes are mine.

Steve was trying, he really was, but after weeks of fighting with one Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist (patent pending), he was nearing the end of his rope and his near legendary patience. The worst part was that he didn’t even know what had set the other man off this time. The Avengers had just returned home to the mansion after yet another altercation with Dr. Doom and the team had been in a good mood, breaking down the fight and analyzing the changes Doom had made to this latest string of bots when Steve had made an offhand comment about something Tony had done during the battle. The brunette’s eyes had darkened as the half smile he’d been sporting had slipped off his face and he snapped back something about Steve’s leadership abilities…and in zero to sixty they had gone from teammates to arch enemies. Steve was pretty sure that was a record. By the time the argument had devolved into name calling and inappropriate comments about what each man _really_ used their equipment for, the Captain was back to not even knowing why he still wanted Tony on the team. Oh, wait-it was because Director Fury said he needed him. Damn it.

When the engineer finally stormed off to his lab in a huff, Steve collapsed into a nearby chair and buried his head in his hands. “Well, that could’ve gone better.”Hearing a soft chuckle, he looked back up.

Leaning in the doorway tossing an apple between both of his hands, Clint offered him a grin. “You two just need to learn how to communicate; come to some sort of agreement.”

Steve snorted and then stood. “All we do is _communicate_ ; Stark needs an attitude adjustment and what I need is a god damn owner’s manual.” Leaving to go change, he missed the calculating look Clint threw after him.

* * *

Two weeks and five arguments later, Steve wakes up and opens his bedroom door to find a book laying on the other side. Picking it up, he can’t help the disbelieving noise he makes as he reads the cover. _How to Care for Your Scientist: An Owner’s Manual, 1st Edition. Chapters written by Dr. Bruce Banner, Clinton F. Barton, Philip J. Coulson, Natasha Romanov, and Thor Odinson with Personal Care Tips Provided by Virginia ‘Pepper’ Potts and Colonel James Rhodes. Edited by JARVIS; Foreword written by Clinton F. Barton._

Staring at the cover, Steve can’t help but think that, in hindsight, he should have seen this coming, that this was really his own fault and that somewhere in New York, Nick Fury was most likely laughing his ass off. Still… Stepping back into his room and shutting the door, the blond moved back over to his bed and sat down, opening the cover to the foreword.

 _You are now the proud new owner of a Tony Stark model scientist, more commonly known as the coffee addicted workaholic. Congratulations!_ Steve let out a snort and kept reading. _While it is a well-known fact that scientists can be difficult to handle at the best of times, this is doubly so for the Tony Stark model. Tony comes fully equipped with genius level intelligence and attitude combined with Stark level snark, all of which he will unleash at the drop of a hat and when most inconvenient for you. This will surely lead you to problems when attempting to interact with your scientist but, fear not! This is where the How to Care for Your Scientist Owner’s Manual comes in handy. Inside you will find chapters by all the Avengers on the best ways to approach and care for the scientist in your life as well as Tips of the Trade in Tony Wrangling by those who know him best. So, pull up a chair and prepare to learn How to Care for Your Scientist!_

_P.S-Please don’t kill me. I’m serious, Steve; I don’t want to die. If you kill me, Angels will WEEP. You don’t want to make Angels weep, do you Steve? I didn’t think so._

Scowling at the book, Steve rolled his eyes and tossed it back onto the coverlet; this was just ridiculous. He was Captain America for pete’s sake! He could handle one irascible scientist. Nodding to himself, Steve made his way out of his room and down to the kitchen to join the others for breakfast. Thirty minutes, four broken dishes and a hole in the wall later the blond stormed back in to his room and snatched the book back off of his bed. Flinging himself back onto his pillows, Steve took a breath and opened to the first chapter.

_**Chapter One: So you’ve got yourself a scientist, now what? By Virginia “Pepper” Potts** _

_The first step to getting the most out of any new acquisition is understanding how it works; this is especially important when dealing with Tony Stark. Allow me to provide an example. Imagine for a moment you’ve just purchased a new motorcycle but you don’t know how it works. You know that you should be able to ride it to get places, that you should be able to make it go faster or slower, that there are lights and blinkers you can use. Now, if you don’t know how the bike works and you jump right on and try to ride it, chances are you’ll end up crashing and hurting yourself, possibly others. This not only is dangerous but you might get frustrated and fed up and end up doing something to the motorcycle or yourself as a result. Having a scientist is kind of like that. You know that they’re smart, and capable, and able to do things for you and others that no one else can, but if you don’t know how that scientist operates, and jump right in trying to make him work without understanding what makes him tick, all you’re going to do is crash and cause yourself pain._

_This is where this manual comes in; we will give you the tips and tricks necessary to understand and get the most out of your scientist with the least amount of pain. Now, every scientist is different and comes with different personality quirks as a result but there is one universal rule to remember regardless of who the scientist is: DO NOT APPROACH YOUR SCIENTIST BEFORE HE HAS HAD COFFEE. This is especially true of Tony. Regardless of how much caffeine he has consumed over the course of the previous day, he will always require more in the morning (or afternoon or whatever time you first see him) before moving past the irritable, anti-social stage and becoming something more human. On days where he has stayed up all night working on one of the various projects scattered throughout the lab, this is especially important and the resulting fallout from a pre-coffee confrontation will be especially horrendous. Next comes the question of how you can tell whether or not your scientist has already consumed his morning ration of coffee. The following is a list of things to look out for: Does your scientist look as though he’s just rolled out of bed or from under the workbench? Is his hair sticking up as if he’s been continuously running his hands through it? Are his eyes bloodshot? Does he look as though he hasn’t shaved in days? Is he mumbling to himself about formulas, designs or upgrades? Is his morning walk into the kitchen more reminiscent of a zombie shuffling after brains than a human being?_

_If you answered yes to any of these questions, it is more than likely that your scientist has not yet had any coffee and it would be best to either get and stay out of his way or to immediately provide him with a cup of the brew he is seeking. DO NOT SEEK TO ENGAGE THE SCIENTIST UNTIL AFTER HE HAS CONSUMED AT LEAST ONE CUP. This is not only for your safety but also for the safety of the environment around you as things may become heated and/or violent fairly quickly before the introduction of caffeine. So remember, Rule One: Do not approach the scientist before coffee unless you are moving in to provide it. Rule Two: if you are ever in doubt as to whether Tony has had coffee yet today or not, give him coffee anyway. There will be days when you won’t see or hear anything from Tony until much later in the day or even the evening if he’s been busy working on a project. When that happens it is best to err on the side of caution and caffeinate him as a precaution._

_I know what you’re probably thinking: if coffee is so important to my scientist, why not just provide him with his own coffeemaker for the lab and/or personal rooms? Why make him come up to the kitchen at all? The answer to this is simple; scientists, regardless of what they claim, all require some level of human interaction. Without this, there is no telling what trouble they might get into on their own. Think of your scientist as a really smart toddler. Would you leave a two year old by himself all day without once checking to see if he’s alright or keeping out of trouble? I would certainly hope not! Scientists can’t help but cause trouble, especially if they are of the inventor variety, and this applies double to Tony. Trust me, the last thing you want is to leave a caffeinated Tony Stark alone and unsupervised; the results aren’t pretty. (see notes on Iron Man Suit Mach 1 testing for additional information.)_

Closing the book, Steve settled back more firmly into his pillows and gazed at the ceiling. Coffee, really? Dealing with Tony was always worse in the morning; it couldn’t be that simple, could it? Shaking his head, Steve rolled off of the mattress and changed so he could go running. It didn’t matter anyway, with the way he and Tony constantly fought with each other, it was doubtful that something as simple as that would work anyway.

* * *

The next morning, Steve was already sitting at the table with Natasha and Bruce when Tony shuffled in, bitching. Opening his mouth to comment about the other man’s attitude, the blond stopped and really took a look at the scientist. His clothes weren’t wrinkled but his hair was sticking up in all directions and, when he actually took the time to listen, he realized that Tony wasn’t actually bitching to or about anyone else in the room, he was complaining to himself about an upgrade to his suit that wasn’t working out the way he wanted it to. Frowning a little, Steve’s thoughts drifted back to what Ms. Potts had written before he stood and poured a second mug of coffee, offering it to the brunette as he moved closer to where everyone was eating breakfast. Blinking a little in confusion as his brain attempted to catch up to the fact that there was suddenly coffee under his nose, Tony quit muttering to himself, took the mug and sat down to drink its contents, all without a word of complaint or snide comment to Steve, as had been his usual up until this point.

The conversation between Natasha and Bruce, which had quieted upon Tony’s arrival, suddenly resumed and the trio continued on eating breakfast while Tony sat quietly and drank his. Steve was shocked. In comparison to how every other morning had gone since the team had moved into the newly named Avengers Tower, this was a complete one eighty. It obviously couldn’t last though, right? Finishing up the pile of eggs, bacon and toast he had on his own plate, Steve stood and brought his dishes to the sink, turning back to see Tony stand and stretch, his mug empty on the table in front of him. Grabbing the carafe, Steve moved to refill the cup and decided to push his luck a little. This new quiet, more Bruce than Hulk-like Tony was nice but it was only a matter of time before things blew up and reverted back to the status quo. Better to have that happen now than be blindsided by it later.

Clearing his throat, Steve waited until the other man looked in his direction before opening his mouth. “I noticed yesterday that the throttle on my motorcycle is sticking and I was having trouble going past 40 mph; if you have some time, I don’t suppose you’d be willing to take a look at it for me, would you?”

Blinking a little as he processed the request, Tony turned and grabbed his coffee off the table. “Sure thing. I have some time this afternoon so I’ll pencil it in and have a look.” Waving a hand over his shoulder, he then began moving out of the kitchen towards the elevator that would lead to the lab. “Thanks for the refill, Cap.”

Staring after the smaller male, Steve didn’t notice the looks of amusement that Bruce and Natasha traded at the absolutely stupefied look on his face. Opening and closing his mouth a couple of times as he attempted to process what had just happened, the blond eventually gave up and instead crossed his arms as he continued to stare after Tony. After another few moments of silence there was only one thing he could think to say.

“Well I’ll be damned.”

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't decided who will be writing the next chapter yet as pretty much everyone will have something to say. :D I did decide to post this now, however, because the Chapter four of Finding One's Self will have a reference to this and I wanted to be able to point people in the right direction if they wondered about it.


End file.
